Hear even more English at: http://fullenglishexperience.com/.
Learn English with 'Hear English', and the 'Full English Experience'. With our original, interesting and, above all, free English listening resources, learning English no longer has to be dull.
Cooee, nice to see you. How’s your first day? How’s everyone treating you? Nicely? Really? Even Jill? Oh that’s nice. I’m amazed she can still smile; she says it was Bell’s palsy but I think it was Botox. So you can see how special it was for her to smile for you.
Have you got a boyfriend? You can tell me I’m really discreet. I mean just ask Jennifer. I didn’t tell anyone when she was going out with Brian from reprographics, who was married to Jessy in accounts. They ended up getting divorced and Jennifer had a telling off from HR. I mean who’d gossip about that and get her into trouble? I reckon it was Harry the guy who does security. It’s not his fault, he just likes a drink. At lunch time, tea time, well most of the time. Poor guy stuck on that desk all day long. Do you like a drink? Oh, me? No, never. Ever come into work with a hangover? Me? No, never…so, do you have a boyfriend?
Do you think any of the guys working here are hot? Oh no, workplace romances are always trouble. Take Jennifer: I mean, she had to take 2 months off work. She said it was back strain, but, my mate, who works down the pub and knows someone in the NHS, said she had a breakdown and was in a mental hospital. Like that Jill, who went on a 6 week holiday to see her cousin in Australia, but, I reckon she was having a boob job. She went out a C and came back a D; I don’t think the sun made them grow big.
So have you heard any good gossip? C’mon you’re new; everyone’s indiscreet with the newbie. It’s about me? What could there be about me? Oh, that I’m on a final written warning and performance improvement notice for bullying and harassing other staff members. Well if having a chat is what the company views as harassment that’s their problem. Do I have a boyfriend? That’s none of your business!
Cooee,nice to
see you.How’s your first
day?How’s everyone treating
you?Nicely?Really?Even Jill?Oh
that’s nice.I’m amazed she can
still smile; she says it was Bell’s palsy but I think it was Botox.So you can see how special it was for
her to smile for you.
Have you got a boyfriend?You can tell me I’m really discreet. I mean just ask
Jennifer.I didn’t tell anyone
when she was going out with Brian from reprographics, who was married to Jessy
in accounts.They ended up getting
divorced and Jennifer had a telling off from HR.I mean who’d gossip about that and get her into
trouble?I reckon it was Harry the
guy who does security.It’s not
his fault, he just likes a drink.At lunch time, tea time, well most of the time.Poor guy stuck on that desk all day
long.Do you like a drink? Oh, me?
No, never.Ever come into work
with a hangover? Me? No, never…so, do you have a boyfriend?
Do you think any of the guys working here are hot? Oh no,
workplace romances are always trouble.Take Jennifer: I mean, she had to take 2 months off work.She said it was back strain, but, my
mate, who works down the pub and knows someone in the NHS, said she had a
breakdown and was in a mental hospital.Like that Jill, who went on a 6 week holiday to see her cousin in
Australia, but, I reckon she was having a boob job.She went out a C and came back a D; I don’t think the sun
made them grow big.
So have you heard any good gossip?C’mon you’re new; everyone’s indiscreet with the
newbie.It’s about me? What could
there be about me? Oh, that I’m on a final written warning and performance
improvement notice for bullying and harassing other staff members.Well if having a chat is what the
company views as harassment that’s their problem.Do I have a boyfriend? That’s none of your business!
Spaghetti Bolognese (slow) Too slow? Try the faster version in the previous post.
Click above to listen. You can get the mp3. here and the mp4. here (opens in a new window) English cookery has a bad reputation, especially in France. Even though the people that we were working with, during our working holiday on a farm in France, didn’t know much about England, they had all heard about our reputation for terrible cooking.
We think this reputation is a little unfair, so, because we like to cook and we think we’re ok at it, instead of getting insulted by this attitude to our cooking, we gave ourselves the challenge of convincing our co-workers that English cookery wasn’t as bad as everyone thought. Generally everyone was impressed, all except for Alex, who took great delight in insulting our food at every occasion. Alex was however very lazy and he refused to cook, preferring to eat what we made…and then complain about it.
To start with, because we had very little food, these complaints were justified (although however bad the food is, if someone is too lazy to cook, then they can’t really complain about what they get to eat), but after our first delivery of food, the quality of our cookery improved. The food was regional and seasonal and courgettes were the main crop at the time. We didn’t really know how to cook the courgettes but we managed and even though we only had basic ingredients and equipment, we were able to make reasonably good food.
Or so we thought, but Alex could not be convinced. Our honey and mustard lamb was too sweet, our rhubarb crumble was too sour and our sweet and sour sauce… well that was too sweet, and too sour. Whether we fried the courgettes with rosemary, or grated them and served them with lemon juice, or baked them with cheese and garlic, he always found a reason not to like them. If we cooked anything ‘English’, it wasn’t good enough, and when we cooked French food, our English way of cooking would ruin it for him.
He would even insult our cooking before we’d made it, when we were just talking about making a fennel risotto he interrupted us to say how disgusting this English idea sounded, and when we told him it was Italian, he said that we’d find an English way to ruin it.
We had one success with our cinnamon swirls, he seemed to like these and even asked how we made them. They’re not difficult to make, but are quite fiddly as you need to make bread dough and follow lots of time-consuming steps, so I started to answer, saying “they’re quite easy, but…”, but before I could finish Alex interrupted me. “Ah yes, they must be quite easy if an English person can make them, it’s probably just like ‘pain perdue’.” Pain perdue in English is ‘French toast’, and it is stale bread fried in beaten eggs. It is very easy to make.
One day, our boss, Vincent, asked Alex to cook lunch for us all and so Alex made us a spaghetti Bolognese. It was fine, but it wasn’t particularly delicious, but Alex seemed to think it was amazing. “Now this is how the French cook,” he gloated. “I’d teach you how to cook like this but there would be no point because you wouldn’t be able to learn because your cooking is too…English.” He didn’t stop talking about how good his meal was and how bad we were at cooking until he left the table to have an after dinner nap, leaving us to wash the dishes and put the left-overs in the fridge.
Alex was late for dinner the next day and the food had already been served by the time that he had arrived. We were eating Bolognese again, and Vincent told Alex that I had made this Bolognese to see if I could make one that was better than Alex’s from the day before. Alex sat down to eat with the air of a restaurant critic. After spending a minute tasting it he said: “It’s not nearly as good as mine. The sauce is too sweet and there’s not enough garlic.’’ He had another forkful and added: “You’ve put the wrong herbs in; the flavour is all wrong and there’s a horrible taste of vinegar. It’s exactly what I expect from English people, in fact, I don’t think I can eat anymore”. With that, he put down his knife and fork dramatically, folded his arms, made a face and looked away in disgust.
Alex was expecting a reaction but nobody said anything. A little surprised, he turned back towards the table to find that the reason no-one was saying anything was because we were busy trying to stop ourselves from laughing. I hadn’t cooked the Bolognese. Vincent had made that up, in fact, Vincent had just reheated the Bolognese that Alex had made the day before. The food that Alex was refusing to eat was exactly the same food that he’d been boasting about making.
We didn’t tell Alex there and then why we were laughing, but the next time we cooked him something he ate it without complaint, said thank you, complimented us and even washed up, so I think somebody must have told him at some point.
Click above to listen. You can get the .mp4 here, and the .mp3 here (opens in new window).
I can’t believe they stole your marshmallows. Thank you for telling me, they’re in bed now but I’ll tell them off tomorrow, and they won’t be having sweets for a while. They’re good children usually, I’m surprised at them, stealing from a guest. It’s not as bad as it could have been though, they managed to connect up the hosepipe and soak our last guests with water, and earlier this year we had to evacuate some guests from the holiday cottage because the children found some matches and set fire to the garden.
I’ll tell them off this time, they need to know that they aren’t allowed to behave badly, although I generally don’t like to be too hard on them, they need to be able to have fun, and anyway, boys will be boys, after all. In fact we don’t really believe in disciplining our children, we don’t think telling them off stops them from being naughty, and when we do they get upset, and it can’t be good for them to be that sad, so we forgive them very quickly, they don’t often do anything really naughty anyway. I didn’t realise they liked marshmallows so much though. Maybe I will buy them a packet or two when I go shopping tomorrow.
I’m glad it was food they stole, I think its important for growing children to eat lots so that they grow up to be strong and healthy. Maybe I won’t tell them off too much, I don’t want to put them off eating. I’m quite proud of them really, finding the sweets on such a high shelf, and then getting a chair so they could reach them. They’re only young and that involves quite a lot of coordination, its good to see them using their brains.
Some of the teachers at the school think they’re a little behind the other children because they don’t perform well in tests, but this goes to show that they’re quite clever really. The problem is they don’t go to school too often, they prefer to stay at home, and it’s difficult and tiring to make them do things that they don’t want to do, so its easier to let them stay at home. I don’t want to force them to do something they don’t want to do either, I want them to enjoy themselves.
I try to educate them at home, but that’s difficult too, they aren’t really interested in learning and they can be disobedient, so I usually just let them play. I work from home, so I am able to look after the kids at home instead of sending them to school, only it’s difficult to work at the same time, so I end up not getting much work done, which means we have less money, but I think its more important for the kids to be happy.
They also miss a lot of school through injuries and illness. They’re always getting hurt playing around in dangerous places and banging into things. I try to make them be more careful but you know what boys are like, and I don’t like to stop them having fun. They’re ill quite often too. I worry about their health, so I make sure I give them a lot of natural food but it’s not enough. I try to treat them with herbal remedies, I don’t really trust what the doctors say, they just do what the big companies tell them, and all these medicines are made from plants, so I think it’s best to just use the plants and herbs and simple household remedies. If they get stomach upsets I give them bicarbonate of soda, for instance, which can also be used for wounds and burns. I use it in small amounts to treat insect bites, and I think you can use it to treat snakebites too, although I imagine you’d have to use a larger amount.
It’s quite good that they get ill though because it boosts their immune system. A lot of people get their children inoculated, but we don’t really believe in that, neither do many people in this village, its better if they get used to diseases naturally, and the more they get ill, the stronger their immune systems will be. That’s why I was so surprised when they got measles. There was an epidemic in the village recently and almost 100 children were ill.
One of my boys was very ill and had to be moved to the big hospital in the city and he was there for several weeks. It was the doctor’s fault, they didn’t think it was measles, despite the fact that all the other children in the village had measles. The doctors said it was my fault for not getting the children inoculated, but I explained that I don’t believe in inoculations, and rarely give them medicine, so they should be very healthy and you know what? They accused me of being a bad mother. Can you believe that?
Click above to listen. You can get the .mp4 here, and the .mp3 here (opens in new window).
Welcome to 'Hear English', we provide English listening resources for free. This is our first series of blogs and webcasts which provide an audio clip and a written script to go with it. You can see the webcasts, transcripts and the rest of our blog at http://hearenglishhere.blogspot.com/.
My girlfriend and I recently spent a three week working holiday on a remote farm in the mountains of France. We had some weird experiences, met lots of strange people and had some bizarre conversations, which we have turned into a series of podcasts for Hear English, aimed at intermediate and advanced level learners of English. This is our fourth story in the series and is a monologue based on our conversations with one of the guys who was working with us on the farm, called Alex, and it's about scrounging hippies (the transcript is available at http://hearenglishhere.blogspot.com/).
Scrounging Hippies – a Monologue
Click above to listen. You can get the .mp4 here, and the .mp3 here (opens in new window).
Good evening, how’s it going? Have you been watering the plants in the greenhouse? Cheers man, that’s one less thing to do. Do you want a fag? Yeah, I shouldn’t smoke, I know its unhealthy, but I don’t care, you’ve got to enjoy life, and that’s what I’m here for anyway, to take some time out of work to relax and think about what I want to do. Not that I had a real job before, I did a course in engineering but it was hard, man, so I did eco-tourism instead but yeah I wanted to take some time off to relax and think about what I want to do with life. And you can’t relax without a spliff and some beers right?
If you worry about dying the whole time, you don’t spend any time living. Someone famous said that, I can’t remember who, but it’s a good quote. People won’t leave you alone though, everyone’s always going on at me, don’t smoke, don’t drink, don’t take drugs, and they’re right in a way but you know, it's my body, I can do what I want with it, and I’m not in that bad shape, there are people who are worse.
I mean I don’t smoke that much, I’m not addicted, I’ve only had a couple of fags today…well maybe more than a couple, actually today’s not been a good day, I had to go to the job centre, and that always puts me on edge so I smoked a fair bit today, and then I had a couple of spliffs to wind down with after.
Ah, now the job centre was a waste of time, we had to mess around doing an employment workshop. I have to go or they won’t give me my social security, and it's only a morning really so not too bad. They don’t teach you anything you don’t know already though, I mean, if I wanted a job I’d get one, you know, I just want to take some time out and re-assess my life you know?
The workshop is a waste of time for everyone out here though. You see, everyone around here has done the same job their whole life, the problem is that everyone’s dying off and there are loads of job vacancies, but the only people who move here are hippies who don’t want to work. So at the workshops the guys who take them know they’re wasting their time, but they have to run them, and the hippies think they’re wasting their time but they have to go, and afterwards no-one takes any jobs. The whole thing is ridiculous, they should make it so they have to work, I can’t believe they pay those scrounging hippies just to lie around taking drugs and …
…Yeah, yeah I know what you’re gonna say, that I fit that mould pretty well myself, but, like, for me its temporary, but they’re gonna do this all their lives, you shouldn’t give people money just to spend on drugs. Yeah well after that I felt like I deserved something nice so I cracked open a couple of beers and relaxed with a spliff…oh come on, man, its not the same, yeah technically it’s a drug but hardly, man, it's not like what everyone else is taking, it's not a class A, and it's better for you than beer for a start, yeah you should remember that beer’s a drug too before you start pointing fingers.
I bet you do a heap of unhealthy things that I don’t. You eat meat right, that’s not great for you, and bad for the environment, and you drink cow’s milk too? Oh right you don’t think that’s unhealthy? I don’t have all the facts, like, but that’s something I learned up here. And if you’re not eating organic food then you’re basically eating chemicals, and that’s really bad for your health, and really bad for the soil, the environment… The stuff they spray on crops, and put in food, its disgusting man, fertilizers, pesticides, herbicides, it’s all made from petrol, so you can’t really have a go at me.
And I hardly eat any of that stuff anymore, most of my vegetables are organic now, and the milk, that’s organic. Although I shouldn’t be eating that at all but I like chocolate milk in the mornings, it’s a French thing. And I hardly eat any meat. Not that I wouldn’t eat meat, but just less. I mean would I have an organic salad over a non-organic burger? No way man, I want that burger but generally, you know I’m eating less meat. And the beer’s organic here, although usually I’ll drink anything, and the fags, they’re not organic. The weed is though, I can vouch for that, its all home-grown natural. And don’t give me that disdainful look, you’re not an innocent party. Too right man, what do you think those seedlings you’ve been watering in the greenhouse were? Oregano?
Click above to listen. You can get the .mp4 here, and the .mp3 here (opens in new window).
