The Water Cooler (Fast) - Root Vegetable Crisps (Series 003, Episode 005)

'Hear English' is a blog that provides podcasts and transcripts to help people learn English, find us at http://hearenglishhere.blogspot.com/.

Free image courtesy of 'stockfreeimages.com'

The Water Cooler (Fast)

Too fast? Try the slower version in the previous post. 

They may look like busy professionals, but the staff at Colourful Solutions Ltd (Colsol), aren’t always as serious or hardworking as they appear, and we find out what mischief they’ve been up to as they talk around the water cooler.

Click above to listen.  You can get the mp3. here. 

Episode 5 - Root Vegetable Crisps (Fast) 

Too fast? Try the slower version in the previous post. 

Featuring the vocal talents of Sophie Iafrate (Susan).  (Free sound effects courtesy of 'Soundjay.com'), 

Susan: Hey Keith, could you do me a favour?  I’ve got to photocopy this handout for a presentation with a potential client and they’re going to be here in five minutes and I’ve not arranged the meeting room.   Could you set up the projector and arrange some sandwiches nicely on plates, make sure there’s a jug of something to drink and stick the crisps in a bowl?

Keith: No problem Susan, you know I’m always happy to help!  Which meeting room is it?

Susan: Meeting room 2, you know, the one with the strange smell.  Great, thanks a bunch Keith, I owe you one.

… later …

Susan: They’re here!  Thanks so much for sorting out the room Keith.

Keith (with mouth full): Glad I could be of assistance.

Susan: And I suppose you earned the crisps you’re eating … wait a second … You greedy thing, you’ve eaten all the crisps in the bowl. 

Keith (still with mouth full): Sorry, but they’re my favourite flavour.  I couldn’t resist.

Susan: You aren’t half annoying sometimes Keith.

Keith: I said I’m sorry, but it’s your own fault really, if you got flavours I didn’t like then I wouldn’t be tempted.

Susan: Next time, that’s exactly what I’ll do.  You don’t like those root vegetable crisps do you?

Keith: Oh, with beetroot and carrot?  No, that stuff’s not for me, I like my crisps to be made of potato.

Susan: Then from now on, I’ll get them instead.

… later …

Keith: Hi Janet, how did Susan’s presentation go?

Janet: It went really well, they liked what she showed them and they’ve just emailed to say they want to commission us for the job. 

Keith: Fantastic, so they weren’t put off by the strange smell?

Janet: Nope … but they were impressed with how well arranged everything was, and Susan tells me that you set up the meeting room, so thank you for that.  In fact, there’s another meeting to finalise a few details at 5.  Would you be able to set the room up again?

Keith: Yeah, of course.

… later …

Susan: Thanks Keith, the room looks great!

Keith: You’re welcome.

Susan: Right Janet, I think we’re ready.

Janet: Not quite, I filled up the bowl in the middle of the table, but for some reason it’s empty again.

Susan: Oh Keith, I can’t believe you ate the root-vegetable crisps…you don’t even like them.

Janet: You mean…you ate everything in that bowl?

Keith: Err, yeah, I’m sorry, it was a bad joke.  I’ll get some more root-vegetable crisps from the canteen for you right away.

Janet: Keith, to refill the bowl, you don’t need to go to the kitchen, you need to go to the stock cupboard, and then maybe you should go home early via the doctors.  The bowl wasn’t full of root-vegetable crisps.  Because of the strange smell, I had filled it with pot-pourri.

The Water Cooler (Fast) - A Word With The Boss (Series 003, Episode 004)

'Hear English' is a blog that provides podcasts and transcripts to help people learn English, find us at http://hearenglishhere.blogspot.com/.

Free image courtesy of 'stockfreeimages.com'

The Water Cooler (Fast)

Too fast? Try the slower version in the previous post. 

They may look like busy professionals, but the staff at Colourful Solutions Ltd (Colsol), aren’t always as serious or hardworking as they appear, and we find out what mischief they’ve been up to as they talk around the water cooler.

Click above to listen.  You can get the mp3. here. 

Episode 4 - A Word With The Boss (Fast) 

Too fast? Try the slower version in the previous post. 

Featuring the vocal talents of Sophie Iafrate (Susan).  (Free sound effects courtesy of 'Soundjay.com'), 

Keith: I suppose you’ve guessed why I wanted a word with you, Janet?

Janet: Er, no.  I’ve noticed you’ve been late to work quite often over the past few weeks, so I wondered if it was something to do with that, but I wasn’t sure?

K: Late for work?

J: Yes, I presumed you maybe had some personal issues that you wanted to talk to me about.

K: Err…no.  Ah…I mean yes, personal issues, that has been the problem.  Mmm, well obviously I have some level of personal issues, but I don’t really want to talk about them.

J: Of course, I don’t want you to tell me anything you don’t feel comfortable with. It’s just that your recent late starts would normally mean that you’d be given a disciplinary meeting, unless, of course, if there was a reason, like if you were losing sleep due to personal issues.  

K: Of course, yes.  I’m very sorry.  I suppose the last few weeks have been a little difficult personally, so I’ve not been sleeping well and have found it hard waking up in time for work, but, I’m ok now, so late starts are a thing of the past.  I guarantee it.

J: Well, we won’t have to call you to a disciplinary meeting, and I appreciate you telling me and your apology, but I wish you had told me when the problems started, and we could have maybe helped you.

K: Sorry Janet, thank you Janet.

J: And, I suppose that explains why you’ve been distracted at work recently too.

K: Distracted at work?

J: Yes, your work rate is down and some of our clients have emailed me asking why you’ve not been responding to their messages.  I suppose your mind has been elsewhere recently. 

K: Yes, that’s it, my mind has been elsewhere recently.

J: You can say that again, your colleagues have been complaining that you’re not much fun to be around at the moment, that you get angry at people and that you’re not pulling your weight around the office.

K: I hadn’t realised it had affected my work so badly.

J: Well rest assured that everyone else has!  But, as you have personal issues, I’m sure if you apologised and explained yourself then that would smooth things over.

K: I’ll do just that, and I’ll put 110% into my work over the next few weeks to make up for it.

J: Good.  And it would be nice if you could put aside your immaturity too.

K: My immaturity?

J: Well, it would be nice for the rest of the staff to have a few weeks off from your practical jokes.  Personally I think a fun office atmosphere is helpful, but your immature attitude often seems to do more harm than good.

K: I see.  I’ll try to act in a more professional manner.

J: See that you do.  It’s a shame really.  Not long ago I was thinking about increasing your pay and responsibilities, but because of your silliness and these last two weeks, I’ve had discussions with Human Resources about docking your pay.

K: Docking my pay? 

J: Originally we had thought about docking your pay for a year, considering your abysmal performance, but now I’m aware of your personal issues, I will try to convince them just to dock your pay temporarily, we’ll have a pay review after 2 months, and re-instate it if your performance returns to normal.

K: Well… thank you Janet.

J: Well, I make no promises, but I’ll put it forward.  Is there anything else?

K: No, I think that’s everything.

…

later

…

Susan: I saw you got up the courage to have a word with Janet about that pay rise you wanted.  I know you had been losing a lot of sleep over it.  Did you get as much as you wanted?

K: I think I negotiated a good deal.

S: Nice going Keith.  I find Janet a really tough negotiator. 

K: Well I think she’s met her match with me.

S: Whenever I ask Janet for something, I come out of the meeting feeling like I’ve done really well but when I think about it afterwards I realise I’ve ended up in a worse position than when I started. 

K: Well I managed to get her to commit to a pay review in 2 months to re-instate my pay.

S: You mean, you went in asking for a pay rise, and came out with a pay cut.

K: Now I think about it…yes.  But I felt like I’d done really well.

S: Well, now I’m convinced that Janet’s met her match with you.

K: Hmm…

The Water Cooler (Slow) - A Word With The Boss (Series 003, Episode 004)

'Hear English' is a blog that provides podcasts and transcripts to help people learn English, find us at http://hearenglishhere.blogspot.com/.

Free image courtesy of 'stockfreeimages.com'

The Water Cooler (Slow)

Too slow? Try the faster version in the next post. 

They may look like busy professionals, but the staff at Colourful Solutions Ltd (Colsol), aren’t always as serious or hardworking as they appear, and we find out what mischief they’ve been up to as they talk around the water cooler.

Click above to listen.  You can get the mp3. here.

Episode 4 - A Word With The Boss (Slow) 

Too slow? Try the faster version in the next post. 

Featuring the vocal talents of Sophie Iafrate (Susan).  (Free sound effects courtesy of 'Soundjay.com'), 

Keith: I suppose you’ve guessed why I wanted a word with you, Janet?

Janet: Er, no.  I’ve noticed you’ve been late to work quite often over the past few weeks, so I wondered if it was something to do with that, but I wasn’t sure?

K: Late for work?

J: Yes, I presumed you maybe had some personal issues that you wanted to talk to me about.

K: Err…no.  Ah…I mean yes, personal issues, that has been the problem.  Mmm, well obviously I have some level of personal issues, but I don’t really want to talk about them.

J: Of course, I don’t want you to tell me anything you don’t feel comfortable with. It’s just that your recent late starts would normally mean that you’d be given a disciplinary meeting, unless, of course, if there was a reason, like if you were losing sleep due to personal issues.  

K: Of course, yes.  I’m very sorry.  I suppose the last few weeks have been a little difficult personally, so I’ve not been sleeping well and have found it hard waking up in time for work, but, I’m ok now, so late starts are a thing of the past.  I guarantee it.

J: Well, we won’t have to call you to a disciplinary meeting, and I appreciate you telling me and your apology, but I wish you had told me when the problems started, and we could have maybe helped you.

K: Sorry Janet, thank you Janet.

J: And, I suppose that explains why you’ve been distracted at work recently too.

K: Distracted at work?

J: Yes, your work rate is down and some of our clients have emailed me asking why you’ve not been responding to their messages.  I suppose your mind has been elsewhere recently. 

K: Yes, that’s it, my mind has been elsewhere recently.

J: You can say that again, your colleagues have been complaining that you’re not much fun to be around at the moment, that you get angry at people and that you’re not pulling your weight around the office.

K: I hadn’t realised it had affected my work so badly.

J: Well rest assured that everyone else has!  But, as you have personal issues, I’m sure if you apologised and explained yourself then that would smooth things over.

K: I’ll do just that, and I’ll put 110% into my work over the next few weeks to make up for it.

J: Good.  And it would be nice if you could put aside your immaturity too.

K: My immaturity?

J: Well, it would be nice for the rest of the staff to have a few weeks off from your practical jokes.  Personally I think a fun office atmosphere is helpful, but your immature attitude often seems to do more harm than good.

K: I see.  I’ll try to act in a more professional manner.

J: See that you do.  It’s a shame really.  Not long ago I was thinking about increasing your pay and responsibilities, but because of your silliness and these last two weeks, I’ve had discussions with Human Resources about docking your pay.

K: Docking my pay? 

J: Originally we had thought about docking your pay for a year, considering your abysmal performance, but now I’m aware of your personal issues, I will try to convince them just to dock your pay temporarily, we’ll have a pay review after 2 months, and re-instate it if your performance returns to normal.

K: Well… thank you Janet.

J: Well, I make no promises, but I’ll put it forward.  Is there anything else?

K: No, I think that’s everything.

…

later

…

Susan: I saw you got up the courage to have a word with Janet about that pay rise you wanted.  I know you had been losing a lot of sleep over it.  Did you get as much as you wanted?

K: I think I negotiated a good deal.

S: Nice going Keith.  I find Janet a really tough negotiator. 

K: Well I think she’s met her match with me.

S: Whenever I ask Janet for something, I come out of the meeting feeling like I’ve done really well but when I think about it afterwards I realise I’ve ended up in a worse position than when I started. 

K: Well I managed to get her to commit to a pay review in 2 months to re-instate my pay.

S: You mean, you went in asking for a pay rise, and came out with a pay cut.

K: Now I think about it…yes.  But I felt like I’d done really well.

S: Well, now I’m convinced that Janet’s met her match with you.

K: Hmm…

The Water Cooler (Fast) - Business Speak (Series 003, Episode 003)

'Hear English' is a blog that provides podcasts and transcripts to help people learn English, find us at http://hearenglishhere.blogspot.com/.

Free image courtesy of 'stockfreeimages.com'

The Water Cooler (Fast)

Too fast? Try the slower version in the previous post. 

They may look like busy professionals, but the staff at Colourful Solutions Ltd (Colsol), aren’t always as serious or hardworking as they appear, and we find out what mischief they’ve been up to as they talk around the water cooler.

Click above to listen.  You can get the mp3. here (opens in a new window)

Episode 3 - Business Speak (Fast) 

Too fast? Try the slower version in the previous post. 

(Free sound effects courtesy of 'Soundjay.com')

Susan: Are you still working on your progress report for Janet’s new project?

Keith: I’m nearly done, just adding the finishing touches.

S: So, what have you done so far?

K: Actually, I’ve not yet started the project.

S: Oh, Janet’s not going to be happy, she wants it to be the cornerstone of the business by the end of the year.  If you’ve not done anything, then what are you going to say about your progress?

K: I’m just going to confuse her with some meaningless management jargon and then hopefully she’ll leave me alone for a while and I can take things easy.

S: I’m not sure that Janet’s going to be fooled by buzz words.

K: Don’t underestimate my talent for business speak.  If I bombard her with enough of it, I can make it sound like I’m being proactive without actually giving any details about what I’ve been doing.

S: Well, we’ll soon see if she’s taken in, she’s on her way over.  Hi Janet.

Janet: Hi team.  I’m sorry, I don’t have time to really go through your progress reports on the new project, the client’s just asked me to chair a conference call about it, which starts in 5 minutes.  It’s annoying because I booked the afternoon off to meet my daughter in town.  I suppose I’ll have to cancel that.  Oh well, we’ll re-schedule the progress report meeting for Monday afternoon.  Err, Susan, I think I know roughly what you’re doing, but can you give me a quick summary of your progress, Keith?

K: Well, we’ve hammered out our objectives.  We’ve put our feelers out.  We don’t want to re-invent the wheel, but then we don’t want a sacred cow either.  I’ve been thinking outside the box but trying not to ignore low hanging fruit. 

J: Good.  I’ll look forward to hearing the decisions about the objectives and what you get back from your feelers on Monday. 

K: O…k.

J: So what are you currently doing?

K: Err, at this juncture I’m actioning our game plan.  I don’t want to let the grass grow too long on this so we really have to push the envelope to get an offer on the table. Hopefully no-one will try to move the goalposts, but I’m prepared to do the needful if there is any project creep.

J: I was prepared to put a small team in charge of actioning the game plan and managing any project creep, but if you’ve already started then it makes sense for you to continue on your own. I was going to take this project slowly but if you’re happy to put the work in then I know the client would be happy to see an offer on the table by the end of next week.

K: Err…excellent!

J: And what are you going to do next?

K: Going forward, I’ll touch base with the team and start cascading the workload, so all I need is for the client to give it the nod and it’s all good to go.

J: I was going to personally touch base with the rest of the team and cascade the workload, but you’re welcome to take that responsibility.  Wow!  You must have been working flat out, I was expecting you to have only just started the project. Thinking about it, it sounds like you’re better placed than me to chair this conference call with the client.  You can pitch them your idea and see if they’ll give you the nod.  Thank you Keith.

K: Err, no problem Janet.

J: Right.  I’ll leave you to it and head into town, I’ll see you on Monday.

S: You really did impress her.  Have you really done all that work?

K: No, I really haven’t started yet.

S: Then why did you volunteer to take on all that extra work and responsibility?

K: I didn’t realise I had.  I have no idea what just happened.  Oh no, I’ll have to work all weekend to finish all that, and I’m completely unprepared for this conference call.

S: It appears that you’ve underestimated your talent for business speak.

The Water Cooler (Slow) - Business Speak (Series 003, Episode 003)

'Hear English' is a blog that provides podcasts and transcripts to help people learn English, find us at http://hearenglishhere.blogspot.com/.

Free image courtesy of 'stockfreeimages.com'

The Water Cooler (Slow)

Too slow? Try the faster version in the next post. 

They may look like busy professionals, but the staff at Colourful Solutions Ltd (Colsol), aren’t always as serious or hardworking as they appear, and we find out what mischief they’ve been up to as they talk around the water cooler.

Click above to listen.  You can get the mp3. here (opens in a new window)

Episode 3 - Business Speak (Slow) 

Too slow? Try the faster version in the next post. 

(Free sound effects courtesy of 'Soundjay.com')

Susan: Are you still working on your progress report for Janet’s new project?

Keith: I’m nearly done, just adding the finishing touches.

S: So, what have you done so far?

K: Actually, I’ve not yet started the project.

S: Oh, Janet’s not going to be happy, she wants it to be the cornerstone of the business by the end of the year.  If you’ve not done anything, then what are you going to say about your progress?

K: I’m just going to confuse her with some meaningless management jargon and then hopefully she’ll leave me alone for a while and I can take things easy.

S: I’m not sure that Janet’s going to be fooled by buzz words.

K: Don’t underestimate my talent for business speak.  If I bombard her with enough of it, I can make it sound like I’m being proactive without actually giving any details about what I’ve been doing.

S: Well, we’ll soon see if she’s taken in, she’s on her way over.  Hi Janet.

Janet: Hi team.  I’m sorry, I don’t have time to really go through your progress reports on the new project, the client’s just asked me to chair a conference call about it, which starts in 5 minutes.  It’s annoying because I booked the afternoon off to meet my daughter in town.  I suppose I’ll have to cancel that.  Oh well, we’ll re-schedule the progress report meeting for Monday afternoon.  Err, Susan, I think I know roughly what you’re doing, but can you give me a quick summary of your progress, Keith?

K: Well, we’ve hammered out our objectives.  We’ve put our feelers out.  We don’t want to re-invent the wheel, but then we don’t want a sacred cow either.  I’ve been thinking outside the box but trying not to ignore low hanging fruit. 

J: Good.  I’ll look forward to hearing the decisions about the objectives and what you get back from your feelers on Monday. 

K: O…k.

J: So what are you currently doing?

K: Err, at this juncture I’m actioning our game plan.  I don’t want to let the grass grow too long on this so we really have to push the envelope to get an offer on the table. Hopefully no-one will try to move the goalposts, but I’m prepared to do the needful if there is any project creep.

J: I was prepared to put a small team in charge of actioning the game plan and managing any project creep, but if you’ve already started then it makes sense for you to continue on your own. I was going to take this project slowly but if you’re happy to put the work in then I know the client would be happy to see an offer on the table by the end of next week.

K: Err…excellent!

J: And what are you going to do next?

K: Going forward, I’ll touch base with the team and start cascading the workload, so all I need is for the client to give it the nod and it’s all good to go.

J: I was going to personally touch base with the rest of the team and cascade the workload, but you’re welcome to take that responsibility.  Wow!  You must have been working flat out, I was expecting you to have only just started the project. Thinking about it, it sounds like you’re better placed than me to chair this conference call with the client.  You can pitch them your idea and see if they’ll give you the nod.  Thank you Keith.

K: Err, no problem Janet.

J: Right.  I’ll leave you to it and head into town, I’ll see you on Monday.

S: You really did impress her.  Have you really done all that work?

K: No, I really haven’t started yet.

S: Then why did you volunteer to take on all that extra work and responsibility?

K: I didn’t realise I had.  I have no idea what just happened.  Oh no, I’ll have to work all weekend to finish all that, and I’m completely unprepared for this conference call.

S: It appears that you’ve underestimated your talent for business speak.