The Water Cooler (Fast) - The New Printer (Series 003, Episode 006)

'Hear English' is a blog that provides podcasts and transcripts to help people learn English, find us at http://hearenglishhere.blogspot.com/.

Free image courtesy of 'stockfreeimages.com'

The Water Cooler (Fast)

Too fast? Try the slower version in the previous post. 

They may look like busy professionals, but the staff at Colourful Solutions Ltd (Colsol), aren’t always as serious or hardworking as they appear, and we find out what mischief they’ve been up to as they talk around the water cooler.

Click above to listen.  You can get the mp3. here. 

Episode 6 - The New Printer (Fast) 

Too fast? Try the slower version in the previous post. 

Featuring the vocal talents of Sophie Iafrate (Susan).  (Free sound effects courtesy of 'Soundjay.com'),

Keith : Good morning Susan, I see you are admiring the new printer.

Susan: Hi Keith.  Yes, it is about time we had a new one and, with all the new features on this one, I think it will make life much easier.

K: Absolutely, especially as this one is voice-activated.

S: Voice-activated? Are you sure? I am sure I didn’t see anything like that in the instruction manual when I was reading it.

K: No one actually reads instruction manuals. You need to just have a practice, a bit of trial and error. It is scientifically proven that there is no substitute for hands-on experience; reading instruction manuals is not going to do you any good. Take it from me.

S: I will feel really silly talking to a printer. It doesn’t seem right.

K: Oh Susan, you need to embrace the future! Just use a nice assertive voice and be clear with your instructions and the printer will do whatever you ask.

S: (clears throat) Print the document I have just sent to you, in colour on double sided paper.

K: Don’t forget to say please, Susan, where are your manners?

S: Oops, sorry. Please print the document I have just sent to you, in colour on double-sided paper. Printer? Did you hear? Print! In colour! Ugh I hate technology, I must be doing something wrong.

Janet: Morning all.  What on earth are you doing Susan?

S: I just can’t get this thing to print.

J: Well you’re not going to get anywhere by shouting at it, it can’t hear you.

S: But I thought it was voice activated… I was just practising with it…trying to get some hands-on experience and…learn through trial and error.

J: Voice activated?  Don’t be daft, we’re a sales company, not NASA.

K: I often see you struggling with technology Susan, and I hate to see this…waste of company time.  I think maybe you should take one of the lunchtime IT refresher courses that the IT department run.

J: Good idea, Keith.  Are you free this lunchtime Susan?

S: Well, yes, but I…

J: Great, it’s settled, I’ll speak to IT to arrange it.  

K: Ha! Ha! Ha!

S: Very funny, Keith.  That’s my lunchtime wasted, I was looking forward to an hour of peace and quiet.

K: Got you hook, line and sinker…Ha! Ha! Ha!

Later …

K (to himself): It’s been ages since I last used a laminating machine, I didn’t even realize we had one in the office. What’s this? Instructions for using the touch screen features of this machine. Oh, nice try Susan, but you can’t fool me that easily. She must have hidden the keyboard somewhere around here.

Janet: Keith, whatever are you doing?

K: Hi Janet, I’ve just got some laminating to do.

J: Yes, I guessed as much, but, what I meant was, why are you rummaging around underneath the table?

K: I was just looking for the keyboard that goes with this machine.   I think Susan must have hidden it somewhere.

J: Why would she have done that?  In fact, I don’t think you need a keyboard for this machine, it’s touch-screen isn’t it?  Susan, can you come here a second?

S: Sure!

J: Keith’s having trouble with this machine; you’ve not hidden the keyboard have you?

S: No, there’s no keyboard, it’s touch-screen.  You just click here [beep] and then here [beep] put the thing you wanted to laminate here and then click “go”.  [beep] … And it’s done.  Simple! In fact, the instructions are right here in front of you.

J: Honestly Keith, sometimes I wonder if you walk around with your eyes shut. I am surprised you can’t work out how to use the laminating machine, though, considering you are always saying how you are a technophile and even Susan, who claims to not understand technology at all, is an expert at it. Maybe I should send you on an IT course as well as Susan.

K: Oh no Janet, there is no call for that; I wouldn’t want to put you out.

J: Not at all.  It is important that you understand how to use all the machines correctly; it saves time in the long run. Having said that, from her talent with the laminator it’s obvious that Susan learns best from hands-on experience so I’m not sure the course would be much use for her, she’ll get the hang of the new printer soon enough. I’ll tell IT to expect you instead.  Thanks for your help Susan.

K: Yes, thanks for your help, Susan.

S: I’m always happy to help! Enjoy your lunch Keith. 

The Water Cooler (Slow) - Root Vegetable Crisps (Series 003, Episode 005)

'Hear English' is a blog that provides podcasts and transcripts to help people learn English, find us at http://hearenglishhere.blogspot.com/.

Free image courtesy of 'stockfreeimages.com'

The Water Cooler (Slow)

Too slow? Try the faster version in the next post. 

They may look like busy professionals, but the staff at Colourful Solutions Ltd (Colsol), aren’t always as serious or hardworking as they appear, and we find out what mischief they’ve been up to as they talk around the water cooler.

Click above to listen.  You can get the mp3. here.

Episode 5 - Root Vegetable Crisps (Slow) 

Too slow? Try the faster version in the next post. 

Featuring the vocal talents of Sophie Iafrate (Susan).  (Free sound effects courtesy of 'Soundjay.com'), 

Susan: Hey Keith, could you do me a favour?  I’ve got to photocopy this handout for a presentation with a potential client and they’re going to be here in five minutes and I’ve not arranged the meeting room.   Could you set up the projector and arrange some sandwiches nicely on plates, make sure there’s a jug of something to drink and stick the crisps in a bowl?

Keith: No problem Susan, you know I’m always happy to help!  Which meeting room is it?

Susan: Meeting room 2, you know, the one with the strange smell.  Great, thanks a bunch Keith, I owe you one.

… later …

Susan: They’re here!  Thanks so much for sorting out the room Keith.

Keith (with mouth full): Glad I could be of assistance.

Susan: And I suppose you earned the crisps you’re eating … wait a second … You greedy thing, you’ve eaten all the crisps in the bowl. 

Keith (still with mouth full): Sorry, but they’re my favourite flavour.  I couldn’t resist.

Susan: You aren’t half annoying sometimes Keith.

Keith: I said I’m sorry, but it’s your own fault really, if you got flavours I didn’t like then I wouldn’t be tempted.

Susan: Next time, that’s exactly what I’ll do.  You don’t like those root vegetable crisps do you?

Keith: Oh, with beetroot and carrot?  No, that stuff’s not for me, I like my crisps to be made of potato.

Susan: Then from now on, I’ll get them instead.

… later …

Keith: Hi Janet, how did Susan’s presentation go?

Janet: It went really well, they liked what she showed them and they’ve just emailed to say they want to commission us for the job. 

Keith: Fantastic, so they weren’t put off by the strange smell?

Janet: Nope … but they were impressed with how well arranged everything was, and Susan tells me that you set up the meeting room, so thank you for that.  In fact, there’s another meeting to finalise a few details at 5.  Would you be able to set the room up again?

Keith: Yeah, of course.

… later …

Susan: Thanks Keith, the room looks great!

Keith: You’re welcome.

Susan: Right Janet, I think we’re ready.

Janet: Not quite, I filled up the bowl in the middle of the table, but for some reason it’s empty again.

Susan: Oh Keith, I can’t believe you ate the root-vegetable crisps…you don’t even like them.

Janet: You mean…you ate everything in that bowl?

Keith: Err, yeah, I’m sorry, it was a bad joke.  I’ll get some more root-vegetable crisps from the canteen for you right away.

Janet: Keith, to refill the bowl, you don’t need to go to the kitchen, you need to go to the stock cupboard, and then maybe you should go home early via the doctors.  The bowl wasn’t full of root-vegetable crisps.  Because of the strange smell, I had filled it with pot-pourri.

The Water Cooler (Fast) - Root Vegetable Crisps (Series 003, Episode 005)

'Hear English' is a blog that provides podcasts and transcripts to help people learn English, find us at http://hearenglishhere.blogspot.com/.

Free image courtesy of 'stockfreeimages.com'

The Water Cooler (Fast)

Too fast? Try the slower version in the previous post. 

They may look like busy professionals, but the staff at Colourful Solutions Ltd (Colsol), aren’t always as serious or hardworking as they appear, and we find out what mischief they’ve been up to as they talk around the water cooler.

Click above to listen.  You can get the mp3. here. 

Episode 5 - Root Vegetable Crisps (Fast) 

Too fast? Try the slower version in the previous post. 

Featuring the vocal talents of Sophie Iafrate (Susan).  (Free sound effects courtesy of 'Soundjay.com'), 

Susan: Hey Keith, could you do me a favour?  I’ve got to photocopy this handout for a presentation with a potential client and they’re going to be here in five minutes and I’ve not arranged the meeting room.   Could you set up the projector and arrange some sandwiches nicely on plates, make sure there’s a jug of something to drink and stick the crisps in a bowl?

Keith: No problem Susan, you know I’m always happy to help!  Which meeting room is it?

Susan: Meeting room 2, you know, the one with the strange smell.  Great, thanks a bunch Keith, I owe you one.

… later …

Susan: They’re here!  Thanks so much for sorting out the room Keith.

Keith (with mouth full): Glad I could be of assistance.

Susan: And I suppose you earned the crisps you’re eating … wait a second … You greedy thing, you’ve eaten all the crisps in the bowl. 

Keith (still with mouth full): Sorry, but they’re my favourite flavour.  I couldn’t resist.

Susan: You aren’t half annoying sometimes Keith.

Keith: I said I’m sorry, but it’s your own fault really, if you got flavours I didn’t like then I wouldn’t be tempted.

Susan: Next time, that’s exactly what I’ll do.  You don’t like those root vegetable crisps do you?

Keith: Oh, with beetroot and carrot?  No, that stuff’s not for me, I like my crisps to be made of potato.

Susan: Then from now on, I’ll get them instead.

… later …

Keith: Hi Janet, how did Susan’s presentation go?

Janet: It went really well, they liked what she showed them and they’ve just emailed to say they want to commission us for the job. 

Keith: Fantastic, so they weren’t put off by the strange smell?

Janet: Nope … but they were impressed with how well arranged everything was, and Susan tells me that you set up the meeting room, so thank you for that.  In fact, there’s another meeting to finalise a few details at 5.  Would you be able to set the room up again?

Keith: Yeah, of course.

… later …

Susan: Thanks Keith, the room looks great!

Keith: You’re welcome.

Susan: Right Janet, I think we’re ready.

Janet: Not quite, I filled up the bowl in the middle of the table, but for some reason it’s empty again.

Susan: Oh Keith, I can’t believe you ate the root-vegetable crisps…you don’t even like them.

Janet: You mean…you ate everything in that bowl?

Keith: Err, yeah, I’m sorry, it was a bad joke.  I’ll get some more root-vegetable crisps from the canteen for you right away.

Janet: Keith, to refill the bowl, you don’t need to go to the kitchen, you need to go to the stock cupboard, and then maybe you should go home early via the doctors.  The bowl wasn’t full of root-vegetable crisps.  Because of the strange smell, I had filled it with pot-pourri.

The Water Cooler (Fast) - A Word With The Boss (Series 003, Episode 004)

'Hear English' is a blog that provides podcasts and transcripts to help people learn English, find us at http://hearenglishhere.blogspot.com/.

Free image courtesy of 'stockfreeimages.com'

The Water Cooler (Fast)

Too fast? Try the slower version in the previous post. 

They may look like busy professionals, but the staff at Colourful Solutions Ltd (Colsol), aren’t always as serious or hardworking as they appear, and we find out what mischief they’ve been up to as they talk around the water cooler.

Click above to listen.  You can get the mp3. here. 

Episode 4 - A Word With The Boss (Fast) 

Too fast? Try the slower version in the previous post. 

Featuring the vocal talents of Sophie Iafrate (Susan).  (Free sound effects courtesy of 'Soundjay.com'), 

Keith: I suppose you’ve guessed why I wanted a word with you, Janet?

Janet: Er, no.  I’ve noticed you’ve been late to work quite often over the past few weeks, so I wondered if it was something to do with that, but I wasn’t sure?

K: Late for work?

J: Yes, I presumed you maybe had some personal issues that you wanted to talk to me about.

K: Err…no.  Ah…I mean yes, personal issues, that has been the problem.  Mmm, well obviously I have some level of personal issues, but I don’t really want to talk about them.

J: Of course, I don’t want you to tell me anything you don’t feel comfortable with. It’s just that your recent late starts would normally mean that you’d be given a disciplinary meeting, unless, of course, if there was a reason, like if you were losing sleep due to personal issues.  

K: Of course, yes.  I’m very sorry.  I suppose the last few weeks have been a little difficult personally, so I’ve not been sleeping well and have found it hard waking up in time for work, but, I’m ok now, so late starts are a thing of the past.  I guarantee it.

J: Well, we won’t have to call you to a disciplinary meeting, and I appreciate you telling me and your apology, but I wish you had told me when the problems started, and we could have maybe helped you.

K: Sorry Janet, thank you Janet.

J: And, I suppose that explains why you’ve been distracted at work recently too.

K: Distracted at work?

J: Yes, your work rate is down and some of our clients have emailed me asking why you’ve not been responding to their messages.  I suppose your mind has been elsewhere recently. 

K: Yes, that’s it, my mind has been elsewhere recently.

J: You can say that again, your colleagues have been complaining that you’re not much fun to be around at the moment, that you get angry at people and that you’re not pulling your weight around the office.

K: I hadn’t realised it had affected my work so badly.

J: Well rest assured that everyone else has!  But, as you have personal issues, I’m sure if you apologised and explained yourself then that would smooth things over.

K: I’ll do just that, and I’ll put 110% into my work over the next few weeks to make up for it.

J: Good.  And it would be nice if you could put aside your immaturity too.

K: My immaturity?

J: Well, it would be nice for the rest of the staff to have a few weeks off from your practical jokes.  Personally I think a fun office atmosphere is helpful, but your immature attitude often seems to do more harm than good.

K: I see.  I’ll try to act in a more professional manner.

J: See that you do.  It’s a shame really.  Not long ago I was thinking about increasing your pay and responsibilities, but because of your silliness and these last two weeks, I’ve had discussions with Human Resources about docking your pay.

K: Docking my pay? 

J: Originally we had thought about docking your pay for a year, considering your abysmal performance, but now I’m aware of your personal issues, I will try to convince them just to dock your pay temporarily, we’ll have a pay review after 2 months, and re-instate it if your performance returns to normal.

K: Well… thank you Janet.

J: Well, I make no promises, but I’ll put it forward.  Is there anything else?

K: No, I think that’s everything.

…

later

…

Susan: I saw you got up the courage to have a word with Janet about that pay rise you wanted.  I know you had been losing a lot of sleep over it.  Did you get as much as you wanted?

K: I think I negotiated a good deal.

S: Nice going Keith.  I find Janet a really tough negotiator. 

K: Well I think she’s met her match with me.

S: Whenever I ask Janet for something, I come out of the meeting feeling like I’ve done really well but when I think about it afterwards I realise I’ve ended up in a worse position than when I started. 

K: Well I managed to get her to commit to a pay review in 2 months to re-instate my pay.

S: You mean, you went in asking for a pay rise, and came out with a pay cut.

K: Now I think about it…yes.  But I felt like I’d done really well.

S: Well, now I’m convinced that Janet’s met her match with you.

K: Hmm…

The Water Cooler (Slow) - A Word With The Boss (Series 003, Episode 004)

'Hear English' is a blog that provides podcasts and transcripts to help people learn English, find us at http://hearenglishhere.blogspot.com/.

Free image courtesy of 'stockfreeimages.com'

The Water Cooler (Slow)

Too slow? Try the faster version in the next post. 

They may look like busy professionals, but the staff at Colourful Solutions Ltd (Colsol), aren’t always as serious or hardworking as they appear, and we find out what mischief they’ve been up to as they talk around the water cooler.

Click above to listen.  You can get the mp3. here.

Episode 4 - A Word With The Boss (Slow) 

Too slow? Try the faster version in the next post. 

Featuring the vocal talents of Sophie Iafrate (Susan).  (Free sound effects courtesy of 'Soundjay.com'), 

Keith: I suppose you’ve guessed why I wanted a word with you, Janet?

Janet: Er, no.  I’ve noticed you’ve been late to work quite often over the past few weeks, so I wondered if it was something to do with that, but I wasn’t sure?

K: Late for work?

J: Yes, I presumed you maybe had some personal issues that you wanted to talk to me about.

K: Err…no.  Ah…I mean yes, personal issues, that has been the problem.  Mmm, well obviously I have some level of personal issues, but I don’t really want to talk about them.

J: Of course, I don’t want you to tell me anything you don’t feel comfortable with. It’s just that your recent late starts would normally mean that you’d be given a disciplinary meeting, unless, of course, if there was a reason, like if you were losing sleep due to personal issues.  

K: Of course, yes.  I’m very sorry.  I suppose the last few weeks have been a little difficult personally, so I’ve not been sleeping well and have found it hard waking up in time for work, but, I’m ok now, so late starts are a thing of the past.  I guarantee it.

J: Well, we won’t have to call you to a disciplinary meeting, and I appreciate you telling me and your apology, but I wish you had told me when the problems started, and we could have maybe helped you.

K: Sorry Janet, thank you Janet.

J: And, I suppose that explains why you’ve been distracted at work recently too.

K: Distracted at work?

J: Yes, your work rate is down and some of our clients have emailed me asking why you’ve not been responding to their messages.  I suppose your mind has been elsewhere recently. 

K: Yes, that’s it, my mind has been elsewhere recently.

J: You can say that again, your colleagues have been complaining that you’re not much fun to be around at the moment, that you get angry at people and that you’re not pulling your weight around the office.

K: I hadn’t realised it had affected my work so badly.

J: Well rest assured that everyone else has!  But, as you have personal issues, I’m sure if you apologised and explained yourself then that would smooth things over.

K: I’ll do just that, and I’ll put 110% into my work over the next few weeks to make up for it.

J: Good.  And it would be nice if you could put aside your immaturity too.

K: My immaturity?

J: Well, it would be nice for the rest of the staff to have a few weeks off from your practical jokes.  Personally I think a fun office atmosphere is helpful, but your immature attitude often seems to do more harm than good.

K: I see.  I’ll try to act in a more professional manner.

J: See that you do.  It’s a shame really.  Not long ago I was thinking about increasing your pay and responsibilities, but because of your silliness and these last two weeks, I’ve had discussions with Human Resources about docking your pay.

K: Docking my pay? 

J: Originally we had thought about docking your pay for a year, considering your abysmal performance, but now I’m aware of your personal issues, I will try to convince them just to dock your pay temporarily, we’ll have a pay review after 2 months, and re-instate it if your performance returns to normal.

K: Well… thank you Janet.

J: Well, I make no promises, but I’ll put it forward.  Is there anything else?

K: No, I think that’s everything.

…

later

…

Susan: I saw you got up the courage to have a word with Janet about that pay rise you wanted.  I know you had been losing a lot of sleep over it.  Did you get as much as you wanted?

K: I think I negotiated a good deal.

S: Nice going Keith.  I find Janet a really tough negotiator. 

K: Well I think she’s met her match with me.

S: Whenever I ask Janet for something, I come out of the meeting feeling like I’ve done really well but when I think about it afterwards I realise I’ve ended up in a worse position than when I started. 

K: Well I managed to get her to commit to a pay review in 2 months to re-instate my pay.

S: You mean, you went in asking for a pay rise, and came out with a pay cut.

K: Now I think about it…yes.  But I felt like I’d done really well.

S: Well, now I’m convinced that Janet’s met her match with you.

K: Hmm…